The Social Effects of Allergies

My friend J wrote a good post about going gluten-free and how it effects social interactions. She asked me in advance for some thoughts and I couldn’t come up with anything short, so you get a blog post instead.

She recently joined me in my caffeine allergy (the allergy I honestly struggle with the most – chocolate is my comfort drug of choice), but as many of you know, my allergy list is much longer then rye & caffeine. Last Wednesday all the legumes, not just soy & peanuts, got pulled and I am continuing to lose weight (which is a whole other post). As you probably imagine, this effects my social interactions immensely.

People socialize around food and drinks. And being unable to partake shakes the foundations of human connection, you become “other” to people, and it’s weird. I can’t be in breathing distance of wine without my inhaler so happy hours and “let’s grab a drink” have left the lexicon of my life.

My roommate, bless his heart, waits for me to leave the house to make certain food stuffs, and I wake with concern to scents of onion or nuts in the air. We actually have a sign in the kitchen that was actively up-kept during my first few months living here that says “days since fatal attempt.” We do our best to make light of, and keep track of, these incidents. It’s important.

Just keeping track

It’s a good thing I am a good cook, or I’d be in sore trouble over meals. In the fall, when I started the elimination diet, it took me over six weeks to perfect a chicken stock that didn’t have celery, onions or carrots in it. It is doable, just challenging.

There are two restaurants in Charlotte where I believe it is relatively safe for me to eat. I only get coffee from the small, local coffee shops – which is not new, but I never, ever contemplate even the small local chain anymore – where they wash the pitchers and steam my goat milk. And even these place I take a promethazine or two Benadryl, just in case of cross contamination and can feel safe breathing the air.

Dinner at Pinky’s Westside Grill

Eating in public is sort of like playing a really weird game of Russian Roulette, only food is the gun and all meals start with an overview of my emergency-allergy plan. We, thankfully, haven’t needed it yet, but that doesn’t stop the nervous glances from those who feel they’d be responsible for saving my life in case I start going into anaphylaxis.

anaphylaxis preparation for pear tasting

I never go out to eat alone. That’s just looking for a chance to die. I’m good with my DNR but I am not eager to risk cosying up with it if unnecessary. I, frankly, don’t trust a server to be close by and understand my “help me” waving as “call 911 and stab me with the thing in my bag!”

After meeting a friend for coffee in February, I ended up with a massive migraine and a couple blackouts, leading to a stellar concussion (those things take FOREVER to recover from) and a re-broken front tooth; super sexy. Thereafter, I got gloves, then a filter mask, to wear out. These have led to a number of interesting and awkward conversations.

safety measures so I can leave the house

What all this tends to mean is that I cook almost meals at home from whole, raw ingredients. I’m lucky I was a good cook before all this started, I am grateful for that. My years as a tea blender means I’ve developed a good palate which has been a godsend as more and more has been removed from my diet and I’ve been able to find new interesting combinations.

Thankfully, Instagram has made sharing my food images easy & I find friends are eager to come over for dinner when I’m going to be manning the stove after seeing tasty images online. However, it means a very limited number of safe things can be brought in the house, so without specific directions and labels, short of specific directions, I just supply foodstuffs.

I miss out at events – I can’t have drinks or snacks, and even if get to them first and nothings been cross contaminated yet, I can’t go back for seconds. I drink a lot of water during the few events I make it to.

beautiful food, none of it safe for me

Happy hours and dinners out tend to simply not happen because I don’t want to be a hassle and I am nervous about seeming rude or holding folks up when being out. Those who don’t think it’s so bad still invite me out to the few places I can go, which I relish. I don’t get out of the house as much as I used to – mostly because of my allergies.

And since I’ve gone gluten free no one else cooks for me unless I’m out. The few convenience foods I have found, despite being insanely expensive, are worth their weight in gold because it means I don’t have to do all the cooking The sole safe pizza I can eat is seriously my go-to easy food when I have the $14 to buy one and no enough energy left to make anything.

How do you find your food limitations effect your social life? Do you go out less? Do you cook more? How do those around you handle your allergies and intolerances?